I don’t want sympathy. I’m not doing this for attention. Just telling you why I don’t get online and why I am upset.
I totally apologize about not being active. You can’t even handle how depressed I am. I’m gonna tell you everything that happened.
School is terrible and I do mean terrible. It’s a struggle for me trying to wake up because I know it isn’t gonna be a good day. There is this girl who picks me up and takes me to school. I’m not quiet sure if were friends. One minute she hates me and the next were friends. Whatever.
Anyway we walk into the school and we wait for out teacher to take us up stairs so we can get ready and switch classes. It’s really LOUD while we wait downstairs so I usually just sit there. It’s only 2 other girls in my class and they usually just ignore me while they talk to the guys and do what they do and I just sit there silently. By that time i’m already upset because I can tell this day isn’t gonna go well.
So next we’ll go upstairs go to our lockers and get ready to go to our classes. Now I feel like some people just use me to get their work done and pass and honestly it upsets me and I know people use me. I really do. I just don’t say anything about it. I literally let people use me. I have a problem with it in my mind but of course I don’t say anything.
Then I have to deal with my ex boyfriend. Everyday he tells me he wants me back he loves me but of course everyone knows he really doesn’t and he’s kinda just desperate. He talks about me behind my back so he’s a rude bully.
It’s literally pressure trying to fit in. With all the words being thrown at me or behind my back like, “ugly” “fat” “bitch” “slut” it start believing them and I literally don’t say anything about it because if I do I would most likely get ganged up on. Believe me on this one I am VERY sensitive.
Now I try my best to not cut anymore but I always seem to mess it up. I cut probably like 2 weeks ago. It’s hard to stop but I try. I really don’t like school. I should probably tell my family I am being bullied but i’m too scared to. When I was in 6th grade I got caught cutting my wrist in the bathroom. When I was in 7th grade I got caught with cuts all over my wrist and maybe 2 days later my parents were called to the school for a meeting about my cutting problem.
It shocked my dad more than my mom and she promised to put me in a mental hospital if I didn’t stop so of course I did. Not trying to make it seem like my parents are bad people because they are WONDERFUL nice people and I mean that from the bottom of my heart and I love them so much.
My teacher was actually really helpful about the situation and gave me a notebook and she would give me a topic everyday to write about if it was “how are you feeling today” “what makes you upset” or anything which I have absolutely NO problem with because I love writing. I write preferences and imagines and I guess you can say I have a creative mindset.
I don’t know who this girl is but it’s this girl in my head name Alessandra Tiffany Marie Pinfield. I never really told anyone about her and I don’t even remember how she got into my head but she’s a 18 year old girl who was abused by her ex boyfriend. She is a dancer and a absolute sweetheart. She used to be bullied when she was in school but she doesn’t go to school anymore. She’s like a youtuber. She’s Australian and she has a twin brother name Dallas and a younger sister name Adriana. Alessandra is pretty strong and for some odd reason I wanna be her. After all she’s been through I still wanna be her.
That may sound weird but she’s in my head lol.
I’m just really staying strong for my idols. You know The Janoskians, Justin Bieber, One Direction, 5 Seconds of Summer, Ariana Grande, Ryan Beatty, Emblem 3, Jennette McCurdy, Chris Brown. I have so many inspirations.
See my story isn’t that bad and I don’t want sympathy at all. I mean I can still smile and laugh so I guess you can say I’m kinda strong I don’t know. I told you this because I assumed you wanted to know why I wasn’t online and you were probably like. “UH KAY WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAKE SOME PREFERENCES YOU IDIOT.” So yeah haha. Well that’s it. I’m kinda alright. Gonna me making preferences. Much love thanks for all the support on this blog. Love ya.